Expanding Your View

Expanding Your View – Ajahn Brahm

Uh, for this evening's talk, I wanted to talk about something very, very basic, but very, very powerful. It's, uh, during the last week, uh, seeing some, uh. Information about people had some very, very weird views about life and also to sort of see some other unpleasant things happen with people. And people get very upset. And sometimes you want to find out why do people get so upset? Why do people have some really strange ideas in life? Why do people have some really weird views? And it was something which I could never understand as a young man growing up, because my father was an atheist. And when I asked him about why don't you believe in a God? He gave a very powerful answer because, you know, he was brought up in the north English town of Liverpool, and he was there during the Second World War. And he said the amount of suffering which he'd seen during those years, he could not believe in a god anymore, which wasn't a fair argument. But then later on, growing up in, I was very fascinated by science, by evidence based, um, ideas and beliefs. And I became very, quite astounded that no people could believe in some of the things which, you know, you hear in churches and mosques and, and even Buddhist temples sometimes. How can an earth, a person, believe in that stuff? Because my science was really very clear about where the world came from many 13,000 million years ago, according to astrophysics, and about sort of the nature of life. I could understand why on earth do people believe in, you know, the idea that the world had been created only 6000 years ago? Well, how on earth can a sensible person believe that? You know, a guy called Noah sort of got, I think, 10 billion species all in one boat. And there are intelligent, educated, literal, literate people who actually believe in that. And it wasn't that I wanted to argue with people about the very strange and weird beliefs which people have. Even today, what really fascinated me was how come people can have those beliefs, and how come there were so many different beliefs in our world? And how come, even in a family, though we can argue with each other? And how why is it we can't decide who is right and who's wrong, and why do we just have such weird ideas about the nature of our body and the nature of our mind and the nature of life so much it causes so much pain and suffering in life. Where did all this come from? And the answer? And I remember reading one of the Buddhist scriptures once, and they gave this very powerful and deep understanding about where all these ideas come from and why it is that intelligent people believe in such stuff. I wouldn't say such rubbish, because sometimes I turn this teaching back on myself and actually I'm Brian. What do you believe in? It's very easy to say other people's views and ideas are rubbish, but how many of you can say that your ideas are wrong and are rubbish? Now what this all comes from was, say, a teaching of the Buddha. He called it the distortions of the cognitive process. It's called a whip colossus. And one of the reasons I wanted to talk about this, I mentioned it in brief in the Sutta class, which I gave last Sunday, and it has come up during the week. And it explains something very important about the different types of beliefs which we have in this world, let alone different types of religion, even within Buddhism. I'm sure that many of you have come here for many years and you see not just myself, but other teachers come and sit here and say what seems to be just totally different ideas of what Buddhism is, or what meditation is, or what truth is, and which one is right, which one is wrong, or are any of them right or any of them wrong? How does this actually work? So we have all these different ideas and beliefs. And also it's not just the beliefs in philosophy, it's just beliefs in it of the basic ideas of life, which if we don't understand this teaching can cause us so much pain and suffering in our life. So it's not just philosophy. This is actually a deep teaching. Or when we understand this, how we can be far happier and more free in our world. So basically, the whole idea of the way that our cognitive processes, just the way we see and understand things, are bent and distorted. It's called the reprocess. And it's just how that when we have one particular view or belief system or framework of understanding whether we are a Catholic or whether we're a scientist, or whether we're an atheist, or whether we're right wing, left wing, green or whatever. Once we have a particular viewpoint, a framework of beliefs, it is a nature of our mind to interpret everything in terms of those beliefs. In other words, it is our beliefs which selects the information which comes into our minds and bends it accordingly. And from the information which we get, which we call our perception. The perceptions which we have are not true, are not real. They are all bent to suit our views. And because of those perceptions which we have, that's what we take to be reality. And that's what causes our thinking as we perceive the world. So we think and our thinking justifies our views. And so this whole cycle of delusion goes on from our view. We perceive accordingly and from our perceptions. That's where we think and from our thoughts. These are like the bricks which create in the house of our belief systems. Let me give you some some examples of how this works. Because, say, if a person believes the earth is flat, if you really had that view to begin with, it was quite obvious that the world is flat. You just have to look at it. It looks flat to me. But if you really believe it's flat, your perceptions will say it's flat. And because your perceptions first flat, you'll think in terms of a flat earth. And it's so obvious that just reinforces your your framework for views, your your belief system. Let's take other examples. Which is more close to home. And then how many of you have ever fallen in love? You know what Shakespeare once say. So it's better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all. That's actually someone else said that. That's a great, great twist on Shakespeare's word. Shakespeare actually said it's better to have loved and lost and never to have loved at all. But I say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have lost the toy. If you haven't lost, you don't understand the meaning of life and its suffering and how to be free. But anyway, well, those of you who have fallen in love now, what is actually the process of that? As soon as you see that person and know you're in love with them. Then that changes all of your perceptions of them. You look at them and they're the most beautiful and wonderful person in the world. They're so charming. Even the way they pick their nose is just so lovable. People do that. Everything which they do, everything which they do. You look at them as being lovable. And those are ordinary perceptions. You know what you do. You're bending those perceptions to fit your framework of views. You start off with, I'm in love with them and everything you see. You hear the way they speak, the way they touch everything is just so delightful. And because you perceive that, you keep thinking about them, just what a delightful person they are. And that just justifies and reinforces your love for them. It's really weird why people fall in love. They get into this, this cycle. That the because they view that that's a person I love. They perceive accordingly and they think accordingly. And anything which is which is going to challenge that idea. Now any action of those you know, which are is challenging, know to the fact they're so lovable. You actually filter out. You just don't see you can't see it because you love them, because you want to love them, because you want to see their beauty. That's all you see. And any ugliness, any spots, any fault or failure in them. You are blind to you. Just you don't allow that into your mind. You see your perceptions become filtered. Only those perceptions which justify your love for that person actually come in, and everything else doesn't even appear in your mind. And so it's quite obvious that you love them. It always surprised me how some of my friends have been old enough now to know some friends, and to see them fall in love and get married, and after a few years, see them get divorced. And so when he told me a few years ago that that was the most wonderful, beautiful, charming, amazing person in the whole world. And now you tell me they stink. They suck. I don't know how on earth I ever managed to delight this person in the first place. Why does that happen as a person changed? Or is it just, you know, because your view changes. You start to see something else in them and all the perceptions of beauty and kindness that is not allowed into the mind anymore. And all you see is what's wrong with them. And because you see what's wrong with them, you think accordingly. And that just justifies the fact that you hate them and get very angry at them. If you understand what I'm saying, there's another simile which somebody just mentioned just a half an hour ago. An hour ago, they were talking about just the fact that, you know, why this sort of people drink alcohol. And I was just reminded of my first glass of beer, and I was only 14 years of age just, you know, being illegal, just trying to be to be a grown up, going into a pub in the afternoon and having a glass of beer. And he felt it tasted disgusting. It was one of the worst taste I've ever had in my whole life. A glass of British beer. But all of my friends said it was delicious. The whole society celebrated beer. And if you were going to have any social life at all in that country, you had to go to the pub and drink beer. And so after only about 3 or 4 months, I started to like beer. Now where did I actually come from? Is because my view that you had to like beer because of you. That it was nice. It actually became nice. My whole perception changed because of the conditioning of my society and I started to like it. So sometimes you ask me, is beer delicious? Rosemary. Delicious. What is actually the truth of it? There is no truth to that. What is your favourite food? Is that delicious or not delicious? It is delicious. Why doesn't everybody else like it? And a lot of that liking of food just comes because of what we call in Buddhism conditioning. Now, some of you may be like vegetarians. Why do you? Why do you like vegetarian food? Sometimes it's just conditioning. The reason I mentioned vegetarian food because it introduces this evening's joke about the two carrots. I know I've mentioned this joke in the Ahmadiyya group, and I really thought I'd mention this joke here, but apparently I hadn't. I tried it out on a few people just after last week's talk, and they thought it was funny, so I thought I should really tell about the two carrots here this evening, because there were two carrots just now in the centre of Perth walking down the road, and one poor carrot got hit by a car and it was very badly injured. And the other carrot now called 000 and called the ambulance. And the ambulance people took one look at that injured carrot, put it in the back of the ambulance and rushed it to Charlie Gardiner's hospital. And the other Carol went in there just so worried about his friend. They rushed to carry into the emergency room and then straight into surgery, and his poor mate was waiting in the waiting room. They're just frantic, worried about how his friend would be. And after three hours, the doctor came out of the surgery and told this coward I got some good news and bad news about your friend. The good news. The good news is your friend's gonna make it. He's going to survive. He's going to live. The bad news is it's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life. It's terrible. Jack. You come back every week, you have a patch of masochists. But anyway. Just what? Be quiet. I got to get back to my talk now. Why is it? Why is it there? People like some things, and they don't like other things. Why have I got these ideas and these views? Well, they don't like others. Why are some people cold this evening? I see some people ragging up now. A lot of times even. Why are you cold? If I say it's cold, people actually start to feel cold. Once you actually start to have like a view, an idea inside of you, you perceive accordingly and it actually does become cold. And you start to think cold, and you get more cold and you get more cold, and you have to have no more blankets on you. It's just as a monk, when I was in Thailand, sometimes it was so hot. But the more you thought it was hot and the more hot it became. This idea, the way that we actually experience our world, we start with a view. A way of looking at life. And from that view, we only allow perceptions which agree with that view. Anything else that is actually quite pleasant here this evening? It's not really cold. It's just bracing, invigorating or whatever. Why can't we think that way? When we get those perceptions in, then we think that it's bracing and it's not so cold. We don't suffer so much. So much of not just the why people believe in all these different types of religions and argue about it, and why you can't convince them otherwise because they got their view. And once they've got their view. Only the perceptions which agree with their view are allowed into their mind. They think accordingly. That justifies the views obvious to them. They're right. It's a self-contained system which justifies itself. And when I saw that in other religions explain why there are so many religions, so many different parts of religions, but also explains so many other things, why there's so many different types of Buddhism. Why are there so many different ideas and views about what to do things in life, but also why it is, you know that we suffer so much. We have all this really strange views about life, about what we're supposed to do or we're not supposed to do. I mean, sounds like men are not supposed to cry. And because men aren't supposed to cry, if that's your view, then any sort of sad perceptions which come you don't allow those sad perceptions to come up into your brain, they're blocked out before you can even see them and feel them. And so you think that way, and you become that many of the story that the perceptions that we shouldn't get angry and upset at things in life when we have to start with those sorts of views, we actually have to live up to them. We become those things. But more than that, one of the our talks, which I'm going to be giving sort of next month, is on a grief and loss conference. It's why did people actually get sad when somebody dies? Where did that whole view come from? And because I've, I've conducted so many funerals, you know, since I came over here, I'm actually you can actually notice why death becomes sad. Whether actually Vue comes from the idea comes from because death doesn't need to be sad. Then look at it this way. When you've seen somebody being born. When you see like a baby just now, freshly out of the womb. It cries for all of the loved ones or the family. They smile and laugh, but the baby cries. But whenever you go to a funeral service, you see the corpse smiling while all the loved ones are crying. Have you noticed we get it the wrong way round? I mean as though the person is being born. They should know what's going on. So if they're crying, it's pretty bad. So you should cry with them. Birth is suffering, said the Buddha. I look a light, dying near, happy in the coffin and having a great time. They're smiling, so why can't you be smiling as well? What's wrong with death, anyway? So the trouble is, because we've got this view that death is wrong. And because we got this view as death is wrong. All these funerals which I go to, people are just so sad and they just cry at the first possible opportunity. You know why? Because that's what you think you should do in a funeral. And what really changed my ideas was when I see these kids, these young three, four, five, six year olds coming to the funeral and they're playing around, being naughty, shouting, laughing. And I seen so many of these kids got to say, their mother, the father, and look at the sadness in their eyes and the grief in their face and become terrified. They don't understand why you should be sad at a death. They see it in the faces of their mother and father, and they learn that response from them. They get the idea that death is sad. Once they view it that way, and all the perceptions of the end of life become bent by that view that death is always sad. And they sing that way as I think of death at all. And that just reinforces the views. Oh, isn't it sad that somebody dies? And sometimes you say, though my father died, my mother dies. Oh, I'm terribly sorry. You're not sorry? You don't know who they were. Maybe it's good riddance, I don't know. Well, some pretty bad people around these days. But who? Well, why do people always say they're sorry? It just reinforces the idea that death is sad. So in some cultures, they celebrate when a person dies. You know, the idea of Irish wakes. The celebrating the person's life is just changing the view around. And when you view it in a different way, the perception changes and the thinking changes. And instead of getting into these these bad ways of using your mind ways which cause more pain and suffering, you get into a much more positive way of looking at life. It's actually changing your views. Re recalibrating them so your views create other perceptions and your perceptions create other thoughts. Thoughts which are much more positive and create greater happiness in life. So really it's not that one view is better or more true than another. What we're saying is one view creates more happiness, is more positive, creates more peace of mind than other views, not which one is right, but which one creates greater peace and happiness in this world. Now, those types of ideas means that, you know, you can actually change much of the way you look at life, which is actually what you do here. You change your views, and when your views change, your whole perceptions start to change. And the things like death don't become such a problem anymore. Oh, here we go. Dying again. And here we go. Now we will die sooner or later. The whole idea changes because our perception is altered. Not only that, the other perceptions which we have about some of the difficulties of life, some of the disappointments of life. Okay, death is a big disappointment. Many other smaller disappointments which you have in mind. And sometimes when we get disappointed, when we have of difficulty in life, how many people take it personally and feel guilty or feel a failure because things don't go well in life? That's a view which many people have. They have the view. Basically, they're in control of their body and of their life. If you have that view, an idea, you're in control of things. When things go wrong, you take it personally as if it's your fault you didn't do the right thing and you cause pain and suffering for yourself and others. And that means you think in a negative way and you lose your self-esteem. You get guilty, you get negative, and sometimes people even get suicidal that way. If we can only change our viewpoint and understand. Did you really make a mistake? Was it really your fault? Could you really have done anything else in the circumstances? You know, when I listened to people talk about what happens to them and even sometimes very, very sad situations, you know, of suicides or or people even committing crimes. And sometimes when I get the full picture, sometimes I wondered, see if that was me in that situation, what could I have done? Would I have done the same thing? I can certainly understand why people do things, but I can never criticize them or judge them or say that was wrong. I can, all I can do is actually see the bigger picture. The understanding why when you can understand why isn't there so much judgment anymore? I still remember one of my old school friends who became a school teacher, and he told me that one of the experiences he had in his first year of school teaching, he was teaching in a comprehensive school in Wandsworth in London, which was, you know, pretty much way down the down the, uh, the list of elite schools. It was actually write down what bottom basically. And he said one of his kids came into class, his class, one morning and spat as his feet. And the teacher said, clean that up. And the boy said, F off. Now the full version, not the abbreviated one for public, which I just gave. And of course, that was straight to the headmaster. Straight to the principal. So he went to the Bristol boy, was sent to the principal's office, and my friend thought this was a punishment for him. But now, later the principal came with his arm around the boy's shoulder because of what had actually happened the night before. The boy's father had beaten up his his mother very severely. Police had been called, I think the father arrested or something. And his whole boy's life, which is shattered around him. The mother he love was savagely beaten. His father he loved as well, was arrested. And this is what he was thinking when he came into that schoolroom in the morning. Of course, my friend, school teacher never knew the background when he heard and appreciated. So the trauma that little sort of 12 year old had been through the night before. He could understand why the boy had acted that way. Maybe not acceptable is could he understand it? And this whole judgment of the situation changed. You can see that when we have the fuller picture, a much better view, our perceptions of that's a terrible thing to do, that's a bad thing to do. And all the thinking which goes on with it tends to change. I don't know how many people have hurt you this last week. Well done. Things I so-called shouldn't have done. But if we actually had the full picture and had a bigger view of what really happened and why they did that, maybe we wouldn't have so many perceptions of anger and thoughts of ill will against the. Too much of life. We don't get enough information and big picture. Which is why that many times that I found. Because I've been around for such a long time, it's just impossible to judge a person. And sometimes, because I've gone into prisons and talked to some really guerillas, that sometimes you just some of these people, you just wonder, wow, where they've been for where they've come from. One of those stories I was reminded of this just last week. Oh, because, uh, that story, which I wrote about in my book of the cow that cried in a prison farm. Apparently a similar situation happened a couple of weeks ago with another cow. That particular story. I won't go into the story itself, but there was a prisoner over there who came to see me after I gave a a talk on meditation. He wanted a private interview because he was very upset that he was a slaughter in that prison, and he was about to slaughter a cow. All the cows would be screaming and hollering and trying to escape. A one cow came in. Which didn't quite. Which didn't cry at all, which came in. I'm going to tell the story now. I've already started. Of all the cows and sheep and other animals which this guy had to slaughter, that was his job in kind of prison for. He was a prisoner. He was a murderer, actually told me. And I got this job of killing cows and sheep. The slaughterer, he said all the animals who came in would always cry and struggle to escape. They needed dogs and these electric shock catapults to force him into the enclosure, into the place where the executioner stood with his electric bolt gun. And he said that every animal would always scream and try and escape. He said, on this one day this cow came in without making any noise, head down and just walked one foot after another, slowly and positioned itself voluntarily to stand beneath the platform where it is executioner stood. And this cow is called, and lifted his head and looked his prisoner in the eye spread eye contact. This was so weird, so unusual, that this man who was born in Northern Ireland, he told me that he was stabbed when he was seven years of age. That was his first stabbing, when the school bully came up to him and asked for the money he had for his lunch, he said no. And the school bully took out a knife. Give me your lunch money. He said no a second time. No bully. Never asked a third time, but plunged a knife into this boy's arm. He was badly wounded, with blood streaming down his arm. His first thought was to run to his home, which was just round the corner where his father was unemployed. He ran into his house, screamed to his father, I've been stabbed, I've been stabbed! His father looked at the wound and took him into the kitchen. But not to dress his wound, but to take out another knife from the kitchen drawer, give it to his seven year old son. And ordered the son go back into the school and stab the boy back. And he said that was how he was brought her. And that's why he'd been in prison many times. And he confessed to me that he'd kill people. He was a murderer. And now he was killing cows. When you find out where these people come from, their upbringing, sometimes your view of these people as bad people just disappears. Your whole perception of them changes. You think about them in a different way. But anyway, with the cow as his car got eye contact with this prisoner, the prisoner couldn't move. He was frozen because he'd never seen such a thing before. He couldn't pull the gun to execute the cow. You don't know how many minutes passed by the. Then something very strange happened. He noticed in the left eye of the cow, just above the lower eyelid, there was liquid welling up, getting more and more and more. And you all know how big cows eyes are. The water got so much above the left eyelid bottom eyelid of the cow. This started to dribble over the edge and down the cows cheek. The car was crying. He was so confused. Soon he noticed the same was happening. The other eye on the lower eyelid of the right eye. It was more water coming until that too was far too much for the eyelid to hold, and that too started to scream over the right eyelid and down the cows cheek. The cow was crying. He swore, threw down the gun and tow and said, that car ain't die. When he came to see me, he said he was now a vegetarian. Is a murderer who is now vegetarian because he saw a cow cry. Do you know that cows can cry? Sometimes. Sometimes our view is no, just a cow is just a walking, walking beef steak. It's got no feelings, if that's your view. Of course we perceive accordingly. Same with people who fish. And sometimes people who fish thing are. It doesn't matter. Fish have no feelings. But fish do have feelings. They do feel the pain of the hook. Which is why if you're Buddhist, you shouldn't go fishing. For those of you who like pizza, some of those Buddhists, some who tell me, well, I only go fishing for the company and for the peace and the quiet, I don't really sort of, you know, fish to catch the fish. No, I catch them. I just throw them back again afterwards, just after torturing them. But I tell Buddhist, well, okay then, because, you know, you have to have some recreation and some fun in life. So I give special permission for Buddhists to go fishing. Go fishing. But just don't put the hook on the end of the line. Then it's even more peaceful for you. You could just throw the line in, and you just wait there all day and no one knows. You haven't got a hook on you. End of the line. They can't see it. Only the fish know and they won't tell. And while other fishermen always get disturbed by now to catch the fish, you're even more peaceful. So that's what I call a Buddhist fisherman. You can take your rod, go to these quiet places and throw the line in. But just don't put up on the end of the line. But sometimes when we have a particular idea in a view that sort of animals don't count, and of course we will be cruel to them. The. Sometimes we need actually to change some of the ways we look at life, but actually going back to sort of human beings now that prisoner. Now, why is it that sometimes people look at that person? Yeah, he's murdered another human being. And does that make them a murderer? I say no because a long time ago, when I sort of started reading what the Buddha was saying and saying, he can't just judge a person that easily. You got the view. And if you perceive him as a murderer and think of them as a murderer, you actually want to punish them as a murderer and just lock them somewhere and throw the key away. But there is no such thing as a murderer. I've been to prisons and seen some people have done lots and lots of killings. I've never been to prison once and seen a murderer. Where have I seen a thief? Nor have I seen a rapist. What I've seen of people who have raped. People who have robbed, people who have killed. The view is much bigger. Not just seeing that wonderful crime or 2 or 10 crimes, but seeing what else they've done in their life. Not just one thing or two things. What else did they do in the years of their life? What else did they do that day of their crime? When you see the big picture, they're not they're not murderers. They're not rapists, they're not thieves. There's no such thing as a terrorist. There's people who do terrorist acts. There's no such thing as a stupid person. There's a person who does stupid things, but they're a person first. They're bigger. And why don't you see that bigger view? Your whole perception changes. Now, let's take away this move away from prisons. What about, you know, your home, your life, your relationship? Why is it that so often that one of you know your partner does something wrong? 2 or 3 things wrong? This selfish 3 or 4 times. Why did they call him a selfish person? Are they a selfish person or are they someone who does selfish things? And they do other things as well. When your view changes and you get a much bigger, wider view, your whole perception of thoughts change. And because I've known many of you for such a long time and because you know you're not all perfect people, but you're all lovable, and even the people I met in jail are all lovable. When I say lovable because I don't just see their crimes as 1 or 2 bad things they've done, but see the the big picture, all of the stuff they've done in life, then it means that you can find something to love in them. When you find something to love in them, and it's always something there in the worst so-called criminals, then you could be friends, then you can talk, then you can counsel. The most important thing when I can see something in them which is lovable, they can find something in themselves which is lovable. It is the most important part of this process. When you see something that would put in somebody else, perhaps I can see it in themselves. And when those prisoners see something lovable in themselves, then they can change. They don't lose their self-esteem. They don't feel so guilty anymore. They can move away from their pain and their grief and become better people. It's the same with the person you live with. How often is it that you get so angry with them you can't see anything to love in them? You don't look deeply enough. So change the views if you possibly can. Because if your view is that there are selfish person that arrogant, they're hopeless, then actually that view. But actually you will just see those things in them which justifies your view and you will think accordingly. You never be able to stay with them. If you view yourself like that, hopeless, terrible, a failure. Then you'll perceive that you'll think now that you won't be able to live with yourself. The whole purpose of this talk is subtly to see if one can change your views to become a more positive, because otherwise your view system. If you can't sort of somehow break these terrible cycles that your views make your perceptions from perceptions make your thoughts and your thoughts justify your views, you'll be going round and round in negativity for the rest of your lives. Not only not be able to find a partner to love and care for you never be able to love and care for yourself. You'll never be able to love and care for life. So part of that job is to find some way of breaking that cycle and seeing deeper into things. And how do we break that cycle? So let's turn somebody just before I came in here. And sometimes, you know, things happen in our day. We focus on them. We forget about other things. We've got to see a much bigger picture. Many people, sometimes their problems in life is like what I call with assembly of the size of my hand. Now how big is my hand? But now my hand is so big I can't see anyone in this room. In fact, my hand is the biggest thing in the world. It takes up the whole universe because I can't see anything else other than my hand. Is it my hands fault? It's just I got my hand in the wrong place. It's too close to me. Sometimes we get so obsessed with things in life. The view is so close to us. That's all we see. And we can't see the bigger picture. So in life that sometimes what we really need to do is actually to see something more than our own limited views. To see a far wider, bigger picture. And you can understand when you get upset at something, when you get angry at someone. Isn't it the case that there's 1 or 2 things which have caused you to be angry? They're so close to you, that's all you can see. You can't see anything else at all in life. When you have a lack of self-esteem, when you think you're a failure, you just got those 1 or 2 bad things or stupid things you've done is so closely you cannot see anything else in life. Whenever you get into these, these what we call the defilements of life. You know, these, uh, we call it narrow mindedness. No one needs to do is just to try and literally see a bigger picture. When you are angry at anybody, don't just look for the faults in there which justify your anger. If you are really angry at someone, your job, if you really want to be a wise person, have some freedom and peace in your life is deliberately go out of your way to find something which is lovable in that person, which you respect in that person, and then you overcome the anger. If you want to forgive somebody and actually move away from that sort of that pain of hatred and revenge and resentment, you have to find something in that person which is worthy of forgiveness. I always say that's the first step. To let go of anger and revenge, to see something in that person which is worthy to forgive. If you want to forgive yourself again, to find something in yourself which is worthy so you can forgive yourself and not how similar the two bad bricks in the wall is actually seeing the good bricks, or 1 or 2 good bricks in the wall so you don't have to destroy a whole world, a whole wall, a whole life, a whole relationship just because of 1 or 2 bad things. When the view is widened, includes other things. And sometimes you have to do that, you have to purposely, if you're in bad mood, angry, purposely look for something in the opposite direction to challenge that view, to see a bigger picture, and then that person you're angry with and upset with you find why am I getting angry at such a good person, a nice person? Why am I getting so upset at myself when you can see all the good things inside of you? You get a bigger, wider picture because I've been doing that for such a long time. When I meet people. Sometimes it just is impossible to judge them. You see, there's many, many good things and many bad things and many things which I can't see in them. So I always give people the benefit of the doubt, basically to know I can't judge them. It's very hard to judge yourself either. How do you view yourself as a good person, a bad person somewhere in between? A lot of times, the way we view ourselves again, we distort that picture. A common way of pointing that out is sometimes when I give talks, I ask people. I ask people to consider themselves whether you're above average intelligence or not. How many people in this room consider themselves to be above average intelligence? Most of you, but only half of you are above average intelligence because that's what average means. But everyone thinks, or most people think they are above average intelligent half are. You are wrong. So why is it that we have all these silly views about ourselves? We want to judge ourselves. The nicest thing is actually just not to have that judgment at all, not have any view about oneself. If you sort of can sort of open your mind up, say no. Who am I? Don't know. Sometimes I'm stupid, sometimes I'm intelligent. Sometimes I'm not clever and skillful. Sometimes I make stupid mistakes. Which is the right you? None of them are. When you don't have a view about your intelligence, your abilities, your goodness, your badness or whatever. When you have like this, this open mind, when you don't judge yourself. So if you make a mistake, you don't get so upset and angry and try and hide it from other people and deny you made that mistake. You don't get so arrogant thinking you're so good in this life. When you don't judge yourself, you can learn how not to judge other people. This story was told to me by one of the German monks in my monastery. They would read this wonderful German book about people who had near-death experiences. This particular story was about a young German boy, maybe 7 or 8 years of age, and he sort of died on the operating table, but then sort of was revived and told this amazing story. What happened to him when he was supposedly dead? Apparently this is how he reported it. As soon as he left, his body, went walking along, didn't know where down this country lanes, and he came to a shed. And in this shed was a bloke with a book. And so what's your name? And his name wasn't in the book. So he said, you're not supposed to die. You can go back, but. No. Hang on. Sing as you come this far, you can see what happens. The next guy who turned up at this shed. This is just what the boy described. Next guy who turned up at his shed was a farmer German farm who had just died. And they asked the farmer what he'd done. He said no. Have you killed many animals? And farmer said, oh, no, maybe only just 1 or 2. And this man with this book turned around to this boy and said, see, even when they die, they still life through their teeth. They killed many, many animals. But as he was talking to this farmer, he saw another guy who went right past the shed. And went. And the man never stopped him at all. And the boy said, why don't you? You ask that guy what he's done in life. And this man said, see that fellow over there? So he never judged anyone throughout his whole life. Therefore, I'm not going to judge him. I always like that story because this was like for a 7 or 8 year old kid and told his story. There you go around and judging other people. You tend to judge yourself. And it's not really a fair thing to do. And a lot of our problems in life. The part of the reason why we get depressed or upset, we get angry, or because we get suicidal or we get up, whatever it is. A lot of times we're just being far, far too judgmental. And because we have a view of what we're supposed to be, who we should be, what we're supposed to do, that that causes our perceptions and thoughts of a lot of suffering. So it would be wonderful to be a bit less judgmental in life towards ourselves and towards others. Even if, you know you're saying I shouldn't feel sad today. Why not give yourself, as I said to a girl earlier and make this your sad day? And if you are sad because something's happened to you today and so just enjoy it. Milk it for as much as you can. Because when you're sad and depressed, you've got a lot of a lot of sympathy from your friends. When you're very, very sick. There's nothing wrong with being sick. So enjoy it. It's wonderful when you said you don't have to go to work. You don't have to perform. You can sleep in. You get special foods when you're sick. So when you're sick, don't judge it. Just enjoy it even when you have pain. I'm meant to go into this a lot earlier when you have pain, physical pain. A lot of times the only reason why it's hurts is because we don't want to have pain. A lot of times it's a view we have about pain, which creates a perception of hurt and the thought, we don't like this. I know that there's sometimes some doctors before they give you an injection or do some procedure. They say this is going to hurt. It's a stupid thing to say because as I said, you know, this is going to hurt. You know, this is going to hurt. This is going to hurt. And of course, it hurts much more because, you know, you're viewing it. It is going to be in pain. Do you remember? Just a book which we had in our monastery library in Thailand many years ago was about a commune in sort of United States of hippies. And, you know, when they sort of, uh, uh, the girls were pregnant, they had this amazing way of actually giving birth because the, uh, the midwives would go round to them maybe for six months before their delivery and right to the end, never calling it labor pain, but calling it labor energy. That's what it's called labor pain. I call it labor energy. And just that much that she changed the experience of childbirth. They never looked at it as being pain. They never had that view. It was paid. They're almost brainwashed into thinking it was just energies flowing through their system and not to resist it, but a flow within people cheering them on as if they were cheering a soccer team when they were sort of going through the contractions. And all these women were writing their stories. And just as there was no pain at all, it was just amazing birth energies going through the system. And now women tell me that sometimes they're giving birth to a child is one of the most painful endurance tests of their life. And here a group of women were actually changing that around. And obviously from the possibility, from changing their view. That's not going to her. It's energy. It's life is force going through your body. And just that change of view just just altered the whole experience. So be careful of some of the views which we have in life. They actually restrict us and they create the pain. They create the guilt. They create the grief. They create the anger and they create the lack of self-esteem. They create the suicidal depressive tendencies inside of us. Be careful of some of those views, because once you get stuck in them, they became reinforcing. So your job here, job in life is to be careful. See when you have these negative views. Start of ill will. Anger. Rejection. Guilt. Fear. Please challenge it. Expand your horizons of you. See a bigger picture and you'll find that the problem is solved and you see wider. When you put the problem where it belongs to see a bigger picture, you find much of that. Views which are so negative in our world vanishes. And in its place, the pain, the difficulty, the rejection, the difficulties just all pass away. Which is why those people who do know their Buddhism know the first step on the Eightfold Path is right view. Changing that view around from a view which creates negativity and pain and separation to so that which is far more positive and far more liberating. Basically, it's just a wider, bigger view, not a narrow view. If you see anybody in this world and you hate them as narrow mindedness, look for other parts in them. The parts which unlovable other people love them. There's no what one person in this world other people don't love. So they are lovable by some. You are lovable. Can you see that inside yourself when you see that bigger picture? Negativity, pain, guilt and grief all disappear and you're free. So see if you could widen your view and then you'll be free of suffering. So that's a talk this evening. Oh, and widening one's view. So yeah. Can I say side if you want. So has anyone got any questions or complaints about the carrot joke or anything else this evening. Corey going. I just got. Yeah. God. About beauty. That's amazing. Sometimes I've looked at photographs of beautiful women sort of 50 years ago. My God, though ugly. Their hairstyle, their clothes. How could anyone sort of like them? But then. No. I'm 57 now, so actually, I like them seven years ago where there isn't even a beauty. Is that conditioned into us? What's beautiful or what I believe? And the women's hairstyles. You know, if if you took a beautiful woman today and put it, like a hundred years ago and people wouldn't. Men wouldn't find it beautiful at all. So even actually, uh, much of the idea of beauty is, is actually culturally imposed upon us. Just like I was saying, like beer was delicious. That was just imposed upon me by my culture. So what is actually is really beautiful, like, is a sunset beautiful? Why? I remember years ago. We're going on a pilgrimage to India. We ended up by going to, um, the Taj Mahal in Agra. And I looked at that and said, why is that supposed to be beautiful? So that was actually I contemplated there. Not that it was beautiful, but why? What makes it beautiful? Now, another reason why the Taj Mahal was supposed to be beautiful was because everyone else says it is. That was basically the reason, because everyone else says it was. It was accepted to be beautiful and therefore I saw it as beautiful as well. Beautiful women, beautiful men, beautiful clothes. Her beautiful house is beautiful. Sometimes it's great going into different cultures. There's different cultures, have a completely different idea of beauty than us, whatever us means. And so sometimes even beauty. It's relative conditioning to us. One man's meat is another man's poison. Your saying goes, but I think that what I was. Taker's beauty is nothing out there. Beauty is like that. Peace and kindness at gentleness of heart. That's the only thing which I think is maybe common beauty to everybody. Although some people think that's just being soft, they don't think a beautiful heart will I take to be a beautiful heart. Other people think his weakness. So I even beauty sometimes you ask, is that really beautiful? Is that wishful thinking? I can't resist this old story. When you go out at night looking for romance, where do people go to fall in love? You all heard me say this before you go to the nightclub. You go to the candlelit restaurant. You go for the walk in the moonlight. Always to dark places where you cannot really see what you're going out with, because only in the dark can your wishful thinking make their ordinary looking girl look like some supermodel. And she does look more beautiful in the moonlight, and he looks more handsome in the candlelight. As we make it beautiful. Wishful thinking. That's what it is. Because we want to see beauty. We make it beautiful. And in the candlelight we have just no more. More ability to change reality. No one ever falls in love in the middle of the day, in the bright sunshine. Hi Kathy, I'm going on enough there. So thank you for your question. It's one question you can't really answer, but just explore. So thank you for listening to this tour today on just the limitations of view and how we can expand that to have a happier life. Are our heart. Some are some good or by a good long ago wanting to be wanting me. So I cut off an item all the mana. Masami. Sir. Party. Panorpa. Arata Sara a song sung Kang Tomomi.