Higher Criticism

[00:00:00] - [Speaker 0]
This evening's talk is on the higher criticism. Which means the higher frequency criticism is what you receive. In other words, how to deal with life or people, you know, when you're on the end of a criticism, a rebuke, telling you off, telling you're doing something wrong. And how do we deal with that in a wise positive way? What does it really mean?

[00:00:30] - [Speaker 0]
Why is it that people get angry, they get stubborn? Because when people don't know how to deal with criticism, means that errors aren't fixed, sometimes stupidity just keeps on going, and just the whole world suffers because people just don't know how to listen. They don't know how to filter just, you know, what is, you know, fair criticism, or what is just like a personal attack. And so today I'm going to talk about that, but it's also going to reveal, I hope, you know, some of the underlying reasons, the psychology of why we get resistant to the advice of others and you know why that is because of our silly egos and our identification with our pride and just how that is a great obstacle for growth, great obstacle to finding truth and obviously that when there's no truth being found, there's all the consequences of ignorance, delusion, stupidity, which creates a lot of suffering for yourself and suffering for other people. So it's how to deal with criticism.

[00:01:45] - [Speaker 0]
The problem sometimes is that when someone criticizes us, sometimes they catch us on a wrong mood, wrong time, and we're not really open to it. But for many of us, even if it is the right time, even if it is fair criticism, and even if someone is really having your best interests at heart, still we don't know how to deal with it. And I will pause there, because you know sometimes that when you know we do criticize others or when we use this form of mutual help, there really should be like criticism coming from compassion. You know, from really wanting the best for everybody. It's not just wanting the best for me, it's not wanting the best for them, as I keep on saying, it's wanting the best for us.

[00:02:34] - [Speaker 0]
And sometimes when people don't accept criticism, it means that very often that we're afraid of speaking up when we really do need to speak up. Sometimes a person doing something which is really going to create a lot of harm for themselves or others, and we don't say so. I was reading in the newspapers about the debate about mandatory reporting of child abuse, which is what I'm meaning here about criticizing, bringing it up and sometimes people feel am I going to harm or hurt someone? Am I going to sort of stop people actually reporting this in confidence to their religious leaders or their social workers? It's a complicated thing but again one of the biggest fears is like the fear, the lack of openness to bringing up these things in the first place.

[00:03:27] - [Speaker 0]
Because often any type of criticism is not really accepted quite fairly enough. And there's also the criticism which we have for religions. Because sometimes if we criticize a religion we think oh my goodness we're going to offend somebody. And we all know what happened with those cartoons against the Islamic religion. And I've often actually said, and even in public, that you know of all people in this world, I think it should be religious leaders, you know, should be the hardest to offend.

[00:04:06] - [Speaker 0]
Should be the most open to sort of criticism, and even sort of negative criticism. Because religious leaders, we hope, are devoted to finding out the truths. That that's the main aim in life, and that the only way that we can actually trust that we're on the path to finding like a truth, is actually to now be open to criticism, be open to being challenged. Because that's the only really way you can actually make sure that you're on the right path, because it's so easy to delude oneself. So I'm really very open to actually to having people being empowered, encouraged and free to fairly criticize religions.

[00:04:54] - [Speaker 0]
Just as we fairly criticize politicians. And my goodness, those politicians, they must have such thick skins. Well they get in the newspapers and in the media, my goodness, you have to be just so thick skulled. I'm sure if they did, some anatomy autopsy experiments on people like John Howard and Mr Bush, their skulls are probably about a centimeter thicker than sort of other people's skulls after so many years in politics. So certainly their ears must be very good about selective listening, because sometimes what they hear is very, very, very unpleasant.

[00:05:32] - [Speaker 0]
Sometimes you put yourself in their position. And sometimes it's intolerable. Sometimes I wonder how they can actually survive like that. But anyhow, that's other people, we're talking about ordinary human beings now. And when we're criticized, what is our usual reaction to that?

[00:05:51] - [Speaker 0]
And why is that? A lot of times that as soon as somebody criticizes us or points out a possible fault, very often we just don't even listen in the first place. And because we don't even listen we're actually stopping the opportunity for actually maybe improving ourselves, lessening our delusion, finding more possibilities for happiness, finding opportunities for reconciliation with people who we fell out with, and living a more happy, peaceful, more tolerant life. Simply because we just don't listen when somebody criticizes us. Why actually is that?

[00:06:31] - [Speaker 0]
Now sometimes it is because very often, you know, that the criticism is always taken actually personally, as if you know that that is an attack on the so called 'me'. And that is the biggest problem here, that when we associate our actions and our deeds as being a fixed permanent 'me' the self. And one of the most important parts of the Buddhist path, especially on meditation, is keeping on looking at this thing we call the ego, you know what we take ourselves to be, know the self. And the more we actually investigate this and we weaken it, we have like a much more softer sense of self, instead of this brittle self, which even the slightest little bit of criticism, you know, creates this amazing reaction, which is out of all proportion to the situation. So we can actually develop this sense of there are, instead of a fixed identity, a solid identity which needs to be protected at all costs, A much more soft, malleable sort of sense of who we are, our identity, where we fit in, what our group is.

[00:07:44] - [Speaker 0]
And that way that we can become more open to criticism. Because often we identify just with our views, our ideas, who we think we are, that's very often what makes us. Now I am a Buddhist, now I am a Christian, I am a liberal, I am a right wing nazi or whatever else you think you are. Sometimes that when we make those sort of assumptions, and those assumptions are very very deep, the sense of self, the sense of who we are. A lot of times is that we're unwilling to change.

[00:08:25] - [Speaker 0]
It's that unwillingness to change, that unwillingness to accept that our sense of self will always be sort of evolving, changing, never fixed. And it's good to be changing, it's good never to be fixed. You feel much more free that way. But there's one story which is an old story from the Buddhist texts, which very rarely do I mention here. It's a simple story but it's, you know, it stood the test of many many centuries and it's very indicative of why it is that people get so stubborn sometimes, they just won't listen.

[00:09:04] - [Speaker 0]
And it's the story of these two people, two poor villagers who decided to go sort of a long distance away to try and find their fortune. And they, you know, they heard that there was this abandoned town. And, you know, when the people abandoned the town, they might find something there. So they went into this abandoned town, not quite sure why people just left this ancient city. And while they were walking there they found some hemp.

[00:09:35] - [Speaker 0]
Now the hemp they have this little reed and they strip off the bark which is like a fiber which you can use for, you know, these days making rope, in those days like making thread, you know, to make some hemp and thread. Just similar but not quite the same to the type of fabric we use in jeans. So they found this discarded hemp which no one wanted, that'd be worth a few bob, as they say. So they both collected it all up, and they started carrying the bundles of hemp. And then after a short while, someone found some hemp and thread.

[00:10:10] - [Speaker 0]
And obviously the thread, and that's what you want hemp for, is actually to make it into thread. So one of the guys said, oh, you know, I can throw my hemp away now and take the thread instead. But his friend said, nah, nah, I've already sort of made this into a parcel. Yeah, this will do me. So one changed for a better commodity, while the other one kept the old one.

[00:10:32] - [Speaker 0]
And after a short while then they found some hemp and cloth. The guy who changed first of all would change again. The other guy said, no, my old bunch of hemp is good enough. And then they found some flax, which is used to make linen. The guy who had the hemp and cloth said, no, I don't need this.

[00:10:51] - [Speaker 0]
I'll take the flax. It's much more valuable. The guy who still had the bundle of hemp said, no, this is good enough for me. And they had this whole series where one fellow would change from hemp to hemp and thread to hemp and cloth to flax to linen thread, to linen, and then they found some silver, and then they found some gold. And because one guy just would not change, one guy arrived home with just a bundle of hemp, where his friend arrived home with a bundle of gold.

[00:11:27] - [Speaker 0]
And they said the guy who came back with a bundle of gold was very well received by his family and friends. But the guy who came back with a bundle of hemp, he did not give satisfaction or pleasure to anybody. Now that was like an old simile which the Buddha gave, and it was specifically aimed at why we never want to change our views and ideas. Why is it that when we have some sort of idea and a view, why is it we're so resistant to changing it when this something better comes along? It's fascinating.

[00:12:07] - [Speaker 0]
The reason is because once you own something, and that's the hemp I found, it almost like becomes you. And that's mean, it's like some of me is dying and I have to get another self, another identity. For a lot of people, you you can maybe do that when you're young, but when you're old, nah, sort of, you know, this Buddhism is good enough to me. This Christianity is good enough to me. This whatever else it is, is good enough for me.

[00:12:33] - [Speaker 0]
Why are we so resistant to change? And you can see what happens sometimes. There are very better products, better ideas. Now because that was a simile right in the earliest parts of Buddhism, can see what a real Buddhism is all about. Now if you have any idea of you or any insights it always is intrinsically open to change.

[00:13:01] - [Speaker 0]
If you find a better one the Buddha says go for it And don't just hold on to something you believe before when you find evidence to the contrary. That's why I've often said, you know, just as almost like a motto, the two types of religion found in the world, The one which bends the faith to fit the facts. And that's what real Buddhism is. You can always bend your views to fit the new facts of life. And the other one bends the facts to fit the faith.

[00:13:37] - [Speaker 0]
In other words, this is what I believe. I don't care what you actually see out there, what is actually said. This is what I believe. That's it. And it's fascinating actually to see, just know how when people get an idea they will not change.

[00:13:56] - [Speaker 0]
There is a very famous experiment on psychology which was done at Harvard University quite a few years ago now. And I often quote this because again Buddhism is understanding just why we're resistant to change, why we reject positive criticism, why we get upset, and why we get so stuck in our own ways when it really hurts us. And it was the psychology of actually holding on to views. So what they did in this little experiment, they had the group of volunteers and they were in like a movie theatre, like a darkened room. And they had little pads in front of them with pencils.

[00:14:43] - [Speaker 0]
And the psychologist flashed a picture on the screen. And they had to write down what they thought it was. The point was the exposure time of the image was so quick that it was just a flash, and you couldn't no one could figure out what it was supposed to be. So they increased the exposure time incrementally. And each time, you know, if they thought they understood what it was, wrote down what they thought it was.

[00:15:14] - [Speaker 0]
Now one of those images was, you know, it was the steps on a well known building in the faculty, in their faculty building around the campus of Harbour University. All those volunteers, all students would recognize that if they had a long enough exposure. But because they had short exposures, one of the students, they saw an image there and they sort of guessed, yeah that's a ship on the ocean. And then they increased the time of exposure, yeah it definitely is a ship, yeah I can see it now. And the point was there came a time, a length of exposure of this image on the screen, when any normal person when they saw that would recognise that as the stairs going up to a faculty building on the campus.

[00:16:01] - [Speaker 0]
But this student, because they had the idea, their mind had already decided, it's a ship. It took them a long time. The exposure had to be very, very long before they could see their mistake. The purpose of the experiment was to show how much, like our views, when we form an opinion, that blocks us from seeing something new, even when it's really really obvious to us. And interestingly, in this research, the image which took them the longest time to actually see clearly was the image of two dogs copulating.

[00:16:44] - [Speaker 0]
And the reason it took them the longest time, because it was a disgusting image from most people in The United States. It was not the sort of thing they thought they should see. And so because of their negativity to the image, it took them a long time to actually to see what it truly was. However, if anyone here, no I forget what the time exposures were, but say it was put up there for a second, then anyone here would see straight away that that was two dogs copulating. But for these, because they started off very early and they guessed what it was and their guess was wrong, it took them maybe about two or three seconds before they could realise their mistakes.

[00:17:26] - [Speaker 0]
It was very fascinating and revealing just how our ideas and views actually block us from seeing and what's really there. And this is the problem now with dogmatism, the problems of fundamentalism, the problems of just stubbornness and arrogance, which we meet very, very often in our world. Why can't people see? And when you actually ask that question, the next question should be, why can't I see? You have to internalise this.

[00:18:02] - [Speaker 0]
One of the great things of life and discovering truth is to realise this, now as you look at others, other people look at you. If other people are stubborn, the chances are you're the same. Don't think you're different than other people you meet in life. You know sometimes we always think we're special. Yeah, other people are stubborn, but not me.

[00:18:20] - [Speaker 0]
I'm reasonable. Especially if you're a Buddhist. Yeah, we Buddhists are tolerant, know, not like those Christians or those Muslims, but ask yourself, always challenge yourself that way because otherwise sometimes you are being dogmatic and you're not really being fair. It's an example of this, which is, this amazes me, that some years ago, people were taking these photographs, now when especially, it is a Buddhist I'm talking about, they went to some of these holy places like in India and even here. And now and again you get these little spots on the images.

[00:19:02] - [Speaker 0]
And people were going around and saying, look at these, these are like really weird and strange. They look like little circles. And sometimes you get many of these and they say, wow, these must be devas, Buddhist angels. And that was really interesting for me when I first saw these. But now, if you ever look on the internet under ORBS, orbs, you have found in all sites that these actually occur all over the world, in places where Buddhist devas would never go.

[00:19:41] - [Speaker 0]
No self respecting deva will be seen in the pub on a Saturday night, But some of these orbs appear there. It's fascinating when you first got this evidence that there actually you see that, you know, in places like, you know, UK, they think these evidences of ghosts and all these paranormal sites say there at last we got photographs of real ghosts. In The United States many people take them to be UFOs, aliens. When you start seeing this you think hang on, what's going on here? Unfortunately the people have done the experiments.

[00:20:19] - [Speaker 0]
This one guy did an experiment, he took the camera before and then he just banged the floor and took the photograph afterwards. And he got all these particles, all these lights now in his photograph, they're dust particles. And even Fujifil on their website. So they said that's all they are, they're just dust particles, nothing else. And even the streaks of light.

[00:20:41] - [Speaker 0]
This guy was doing his experiments, sometimes you see photographs with streaks of light and think, ah, this must be something magic. They found it was like, like hairs, sometimes like spider webs, which were floating down in many places there. And he actually just got these little hairs and took photographs of them, identical to sometimes what you see in his photographs. So it's very, very clear that these things are natural phenomenas. However, people still no no no no no, these are favours.

[00:21:15] - [Speaker 0]
You know why? It's because it was caught on their film. Or it was around them or sometimes around their favourite monk or favourite nun. This is why sometimes the power of belief is terrible like that. There's, you know, my teacher, Ajahn Chah, the great Ajahn Chah, that sometimes that people just wanted some sort of magic from the teacher so much.

[00:21:45] - [Speaker 0]
Because they were disciples of Ajahn Chah. And sometimes if they were disciples of one of the other monks, oh the other monks did you see them? They were actually levitating. There's a story of one of these monks, Ajahn Wen, that he became famous because the jet fighter pilot in the Thai air force saw him at 30,000 feet sitting on a cloud. Now, if that happens to their disciple, think, Ajahn Chah, what has he done?

[00:22:12] - [Speaker 0]
I wish he could be seen up there because I'm his disciple. It gives me sort of more credibility. So actually what happened with Ajahn Chah on this one, and this is a very typical example, the one day that it was the day he was giving a talk on the Sri Lanka Poya days, Taiwan Praha, the Sabbath days, early times of his monastery, It was during the range retreat, the Wassa, when the monsoon was coming down, and a devoted disciple was driving in their car to listen to the talk. And as they got into the monastery, because of the heavy rain, because of the dirt road, they got bogged in the mud. Wondering, not knowing what to do next, through the rain, through the window of their car in the pouring rain, they saw this monk come out from the forest.

[00:23:05] - [Speaker 0]
And they looked at him, it was Ajahn Chah. And Ajahn Chah himself pushed their car out of the mud. Now that's a humble monk who doesn't mind getting wet, who can actually help other people. Doesn't matter if you're a big monk or a big abbot, you can push the car and get mud and wet and soaked. That's what a real monk is.

[00:23:27] - [Speaker 0]
They were very, very impressed by the real compassion of a monk so they didn't need to get wet. But then it was only about a couple 100 meters to the hall where they didn't give the talk and there they saw Ajahn Chah sitting there, completely dry, not a speck of mud on him. And they thought, wow, Ajahn Chah has left his body, or made a double body like in the matrix, and actually pushed our car out out of compassion. Not only is it compassion, this guy's got psychic powers, we've seen it, hooray! And that story went around, it still goes around to this day.

[00:24:09] - [Speaker 0]
Even though the one who pushed the car, his Ajan Paitoon, he actually came here a few years ago, Ajan Charles' cousin who has looks alike, he was a novice at the time, he said no it wasn't Ajan, it was me. But no matter how many times he says that, people still will not believe. They said no it was Adjai and Charles psychic power because they wanted to believe so much. Now this is the problem with criticism. It doesn't matter how many times people criticise us, if we want to carry that hemp, it doesn't matter if we see gold there, we will not throw away that hemp to carry up the gold, which is far more valuable and worthwhile, simply because of what we want to believe.

[00:24:57] - [Speaker 0]
And why did they want to believe that? Because they were a disciple of that monk. It was their ego. They had a vested interest, their pride, in believing their teacher had psychic powers. That's why the stubbornness, the arrogance, the inability to receive criticism is very much connected up with our sense of self.

[00:25:20] - [Speaker 0]
The stronger our pride, our arrogance is, the more that we'll reject any form of advice or criticism from people. Which is why I read in a psychology review and I still keep in contact with these because I like to use modern science and modern psychology just to reinforce, you know, the message which you see from Buddhism two thousand five hundred years ago. Now how to live your life and how to deal with people. Spirit psychology told me what I knew already, that if you do want to criticize someone, you've got to butter them up first of all, flatter them. So, and this is great advice on how to deal with your boss.

[00:26:06] - [Speaker 0]
How to, you know, their boss is your wife or your husband, there's many types of bosses in this world, or your boss is myself or whatever, you're to flatter them first of all. Cause when you're flattering, almost like massaging their ego. And then afterwards you can actually criticize them and it's amazing just they will listen then. Because it doesn't, you know, you've already approved of their sense of identity, know who they think they are, you know, you're okay, you're my friend, yeah, you're really great, but. There's a little thing which is just messing up a little bit.

[00:26:41] - [Speaker 0]
People would accept that then. Now you try that before you actually criticize, say your son or your daughter, you know, 13 or 14 year old because they misbehave him because that's their nature to do so. Or you know, your wife, your husband, your boss, or whoever it is. And you know, you have something to say to them. Now if you really, you know, are kind to them, focus on some good part of them, some part of them which you really respect and which really is respectable.

[00:27:11] - [Speaker 0]
It's amazing that afterwards that criticism which you have to give along and, you know, eventually, then you slip that in. It's amazing how they would accept that. So it's the same as you would accept it. But if someone comes up straight away and says, you're really ugly, you're sort of stupid, you're terrible. And of course we won't accept that.

[00:27:33] - [Speaker 0]
We reject it, we reject the criticism, won't even look at it, we won't even entertain the possibility that it's true. Because it's too much of an attack on our sense of self. It's wonderful to know that your sense of self is always changing, will always change. Now which gives me an opportunity to, you know, one of those very funny stories. And there's only a limited number of funny stories I have.

[00:27:58] - [Speaker 0]
So if you come here every week for the last five years, you'd have heard this before for sure. But please don't criticize me for that. And that's that wonderful occasion when I think it was Oscar Wilde, he came out of a club in London one night, totally drunk. And this Victorian woman, or early Edwardian aged woman, passed him by and looked at him, you know, just staggering out of the club onto the London Street, and said, Sir, you're drunk. And his reply was, Madam, you're ugly.

[00:28:35] - [Speaker 0]
But then, he's a very smart man, he said, The difference between us is in the morning I will be sober. Was a very clever put down. But the reason I mentioned it now, was that it actually shows you the reason why telling a person you're drunk didn't really hurt that much, because you know they'd only be drunk for a couple of hours and then you'd be fine again. But telling someone you're ugly, you know that really hurts because you're going to be ugly for life. Unfortunately as a Buddhist even if you're ugly for this life doesn't mean you're going be ugly the next life, so even that's temporary.

[00:29:13] - [Speaker 0]
As long as you know that the sense of self is always changing, then whatever criticism you get, you don't take it so personally. Which is one of the reasons why as a Buddhist, when someone criticizes, say me, and say you are stupid, you actually ask, this is one of the ways we're taught, you ask us what is stupid? What about me is stupid? Is it my body is stupid? You know, is it my memory is stupid?

[00:29:42] - [Speaker 0]
Or my consciousness is stupid, or my will is stupid. What actually does this thing stupid mean? Because what you're actually doing there, you're taking away the idea of like a self, like there's something terribly wrong, an eternal me, a soul, a self, which is stupid. Because if you have that idea, like a permanent essence, who you basically are, if someone calls that stupid, then that is a big worry. Because it's like even worse than being called ugly.

[00:30:11] - [Speaker 0]
It's not like in the morning I'll be sober. If you have a sense of self and your sense of self is defective, then you're stuffed. Because you'll always be ugly, you'd always be stupid if there's that permanent sense of self there, that permanent me. And this is actually the basic reason why people just reject any type of criticism because they take it as a criticism of their essential being. So when you're saying, no, what's stupid?

[00:30:42] - [Speaker 0]
No, what's ugly? What's ridiculous? That little investigation sometimes stops the whole rejection, the whole idea, they're criticizing me. And instead you understand they're not criticizing me, they're criticizing an action, a speech, something I said, something I did. But that is not me.

[00:31:10] - [Speaker 0]
You're actually separating out the action as something which is maybe a one off or two off. To make the point again, again a very old story but very beautiful story, you know the old simile of the two children in the supermarket checkout. Two children in supermarket checkout, one child drops a jar of honey smashed on the floor. About the same time, actually I don't know if I've said this here very recently, but I say this overseas a lot. The other child, parallel counter, at the same time drops a carton of milk smashed on the floor.

[00:31:47] - [Speaker 0]
The mother of the child who dropped the honey said, you stupid boy. The mother of the child who dropped the milk said that was the stupid thing you did. There is a huge difference between those two responses. First the mother is saying, you stupid child, as if the whole being is stupid. And I'm sure you've heard that criticism yourself many times personally and how it feels.

[00:32:13] - [Speaker 0]
You stupid wife. You stupid monk. You as if like the whole thing is stupid. And because you believe there's a me in there, a self in there, you do really feel bad about that. And lots of time it becomes unacceptable.

[00:32:28] - [Speaker 0]
So a lot of times you just react back, you call me stupid, let me tell you a few things about you. You reject it, and it gets into an argument, gets into the bitterness, and eventually you even get into a war. But instead of that, the other response, that was a stupid thing you did. Now that's far more Buddhist. Because that's focusing on the act.

[00:32:51] - [Speaker 0]
And that's true, yeah, I did a stupid thing, but it doesn't mean I am stupid. So when you take away the sense of self from the criticism, it's not a permanent fault in me which will be there forever. It's just like Oscar Wilde being drunk could be sober in the morning. He's not permanently drunk, although sometimes some people in Australia seem to be that way. I'm not sure, but let's not get into that this evening.

[00:33:13] - [Speaker 0]
But certainly you can understand if you do make a mistake, that's not always going to be you. That's just the action. That's just a mistake. That's the error. So it does not matter so much.

[00:33:26] - [Speaker 0]
It's not a personal attack on your essential identity. It doesn't really matter. You are not defective. As long as you realize you're not defective, it's just an action which somebody done, which you've done, which may have been right, may have been wrong, then you can actually listen to it. And to get to that point, that's why saying some positive things about that person before you criticize them, just makes it quite plain you're not criticizing their essential identity.

[00:34:03] - [Speaker 0]
It's just one part of them. One little act which may have been mistaken. If they do that to someone else, or they do that to you, then you can actually accept it. By accepting it doesn't mean you just believe in it. It's at this point where, you know, always bring up Ajahn Chah's famous saying, if someone calls you a dog, which is a personal criticism, you should always look on your bottom to see if you have a tail.

[00:34:32] - [Speaker 0]
And if you haven't got a tail, you're not a dog, end of problem. But if you have got a tail then you say oh thank you sir, you're right, I never noticed that I am a dog. Woof woof. Whatever it is. But I understood from when Ajahn Chah taught me that, it didn't mean that you know just if people call you a dog.

[00:34:54] - [Speaker 0]
If people say that's a stupid thing you did, you actually look. You know, have I done something stupid? As long as it's not a personal criticism of your essential idea of self, like a permanent statement, you're defective. Just focusing on the action. You remember it's just focusing on one or two actions or wrong speech or whatever.

[00:35:18] - [Speaker 0]
Then you can accept it, then you can examine it, and yeah, if you have got a tail, criticism, you say thank you. You know, thank you for pointing out, never realized that before. Thank you so much. However, you know, you look at it and say, I'm sorry you made a mistake. And a lot of times the criticism which she receives are mistaken.

[00:35:41] - [Speaker 0]
Because a lot of times people just misunderstand your motives or what you did or your constraints which you had. Now I know now as like an abbot. As a spiritual dictator, director of the Buddhist Society of WA, there's actually a president Don Hughes coined that word spiritual dictator many years ago and I like that word. Be not a dictator. But you know sometimes you're constrained with the choices which you can make.

[00:36:08] - [Speaker 0]
It's not easy actually to please everybody. And so you will upset somebody and that's life. But when you actually do get judged, some people say it's so unfair, I'm trying my best, I can't do more than that. Which is actually why the wisdom comes up to and say yes, it's okay. So for people to criticize you and to criticize you unfairly.

[00:36:32] - [Speaker 0]
Because that's just the nature of life, to be criticized unfairly. It happens to me, happens to you, happens to everybody in this world. Because it happens to everybody in this world, it's par for the course. It's not something gone wrong, so you don't make a big deal about it. So if somebody says you're stupid, you're an idiot, you you did a terrible thing, I don't know why do you do that, that's really bad, that's really wrong.

[00:36:58] - [Speaker 0]
Number one, you realize that's not the whole of you. There's much more to you than that. So it's just an event which they criticize and not the essential you. And if they're wrong, you just say, I'll let it go. Thank you very much.

[00:37:09] - [Speaker 0]
But at least you listen. A lot of times that people do listen, just the same way people criticize you and you reject it. You can't reject it that easily. Sometimes you think about it. Were they right?

[00:37:22] - [Speaker 0]
What they said? Was that really true? Is there a problem there? If someone says, you know, you're a dog, you know, I look at my bottom, I don't find a tail there, but I look a couple of times later on just to make sure. People actually do listen.

[00:37:37] - [Speaker 0]
And that's a very important point with the way one sort of criticizes positively your children. There's so many parents come up and said my teenage son doesn't listen. He does listen. He just does not admit that he's listening. Especially to his parents, because that's just not a cool thing to do, to admit you're listening.

[00:37:59] - [Speaker 0]
But they do, and they think about it. But the point is with a parent, don't keep pushing the point. They just say it, understand their listening, and then see what happens afterwards. If it is a good idea, they've got to figure it out themselves and yeah, they will follow that. So this is actually how we understand that criticism actually works.

[00:38:22] - [Speaker 0]
But whether it's us, we have to listen to it. And if it is really a better idea, they point out our thought, my goodness, that person is helping us become a better person. No matter what their motive was, if it's really going to help us become wiser, kinder, more efficient in our job, a better parent, a better worker, a better monk, thank you, thank you, thank you. The standard which I always like to take, again from the early time of Buddhism, was now the Buddha's right hand monk was a monk called Sariputa. And one day he was going on alms round or in the morning, and this little snotty novice, maybe 10 or 11 years of age, came up to himself, you're badly dressed.

[00:39:15] - [Speaker 0]
Now remember this is like in this sort of the respect of Buddhism, you know, even these days, that was like a very high monk. And this was like the lowest of the monks in the line. It's like, you know, you're the CEO of a company, and this is another person who cleans the toilets, you know, saying there's something wrong with you. Now what would you do? Most people get so egocentric, Who are you to tell me?

[00:39:39] - [Speaker 0]
But for this Sariputa, he just looked and said, yeah, you're right. And he went behind the bush, adjusted his robes, came out afterwards, and from that time onwards, he called that little novice teacher. Which even in our rules of Finney, we're not supposed to do that. You know, we have this sort of rules of hierarchy, whoever's a senior, you've to pay respect to them. But this was a great example.

[00:40:03] - [Speaker 0]
It doesn't matter who you're taught by, who points out your faults, a person who really respects, you know, truth, you know, growth, nurturing, would always say thank you to someone who pointed out a fault in you. This is actually where the arrogance disappears, and the humility comes up, so that we accept that criticism. We look at it, if it makes sense, we accept it, and we say, thank you for pointing that out to me. What a wonderful world that would be. And say if in your family, that the wife pointed out a fault in you, and you didn't see it, and say, thank you so much, I never knew that.

[00:40:49] - [Speaker 0]
The husband was open to such positive criticism as well. Imagine what a world would be like if Mr Bush had heard that criticism say, oh, yeah, I never saw that, thank you very much. I still dream I live in fantasies, but nevertheless you can understand where we're getting at. That way we're working for a better world. We actually listen to each other and we grow.

[00:41:13] - [Speaker 0]
And one of the biggest problems in our current world is people don't listen. They go behind their dogma, which is their ego. And some people, they don't take an ego just themselves, you're not telling me that it's my group. You know, the group egos. Now I'm the Muslim, I'm the Buddhist, now I'm the Christian, this is my church, and you can't knock our church.

[00:41:35] - [Speaker 0]
Now I'm an Eagle supporter. And so you don't tell me the Eagles aren't going to win the, you know, the grand final this year. Whatever it is, people identify with these groups and they make a sense of self with these groups, they just don't listen. So the point of this talk is that when we understand more truths, especially not to align our sense of self and ego, you know, with these views we have and with these actions which come from our views, we're more open to change. When we are more open to change, we are open to growth.

[00:42:14] - [Speaker 0]
When we are open to growth, we are open to happiness. We can have a happy world, but we have to let go of our sense of, you know, this permanent sense of self, which is so often rooted in the past, and is not open to evolvement and growth. Just how many like dogmatic religions are rooted in the past? How many dogmatic ideas you know in politics are just rooted in the past. Well past their use by date.

[00:42:47] - [Speaker 0]
But people just will not let them go for something better. And how many of your ideas are rooted in the past. You just will not let them go for something which is better. Why is that because that past, they're your roots, who you think you are, where you come from. That's what you identify with.

[00:43:10] - [Speaker 0]
Maybe one of the reasons why Australia is a reasonably tolerant country is because we've all come from other places. And sometimes we are rootless when we migrate to Perth. Maybe because we haven't got that roots in the homeland where our ancestors grew up, maybe that gives us an opportunity to be more open to letting go of the past. More open to sort of change, to growth. Maybe that might be a good case, that maybe you can only live in a country for about five years and you've got to migrate to somewhere else.

[00:43:52] - [Speaker 0]
That's actually what we do in my monastery at Serpentine. The monks can't spend more than two years in one hut. They have to move somewhere else, to another hut. Because in that movement there is no rooting down. And when there is no rooting down, is just making quite sure that this idea of impermanence and change is important to recognise, to accept and even to celebrate change.

[00:44:21] - [Speaker 0]
However, most people they celebrate stability. They celebrate things always being the same. I remember when I first read the Tolkien's book, you know, it was actually The Hobbit before Lord of the Rings. I don't know if any of you remember that story. I think it was Bilbo Baggins was having his eleventh birthday.

[00:44:45] - [Speaker 0]
Not 111, they called it eleventh birthday. And they're having this big party for him. And I think the wizard, what was his name? Gandalf came to actually with his fireworks and stuff. This was in the book.

[00:45:00] - [Speaker 0]
And I remember that I think Gandalf, at the end of the party, he gave a speech and he slipped on that ring and became invisible. And people really found that objectionable. The reason was because these hobbit parties always followed the same form year after year after year after year. They gave the same speeches, and now he did something different. And they hated difference.

[00:45:26] - [Speaker 0]
It's amazing how many societies actually hate change. How they like, and this is our old traditions, this way it's always been done. It has to be done this way forever. Many people here, they always, as I said it before, come in here, they've been coming here for years, they always sit in the same seats, the same side. And I recognize some people always sit that side.

[00:45:47] - [Speaker 0]
Some people always sit at the back, some people sit over here. This is my chair. Why do you do things like that? And don't look at me. I have to sit in this chair.

[00:45:59] - [Speaker 0]
I've got no choice. But last week, I was in that chair. So I do chase. One of the other pillars of Buddhism is like impermanence and change. Now all things are subject to change, they flow, they are ephemeral, and you can't sort of stay in one place too long because you know you are getting older, people are getting sort of born, things are changing.

[00:46:33] - [Speaker 0]
Why can't we embrace change more? When we actually embrace change in our own bodies and celebrate getting older, celebrate those things that changes in our life, the changes in sort of our even in our mind, our brain, to celebrate Alzheimer's when it comes. What a wonderful thing, I don't have to remember anything anymore. I don't know. I always say that Alzheimer's is the only problem with Alzheimer's is to the relatives of those with dementia.

[00:47:07] - [Speaker 0]
They're the ones who get challenged by it much more than the person themselves. I don't know if that's true, maybe when I get dementia I forget I ever said that. But anyway, why can't we embrace change in our views? So we can not have to be so perfect? And that way we can be open to criticism.

[00:47:32] - [Speaker 0]
We can listen. And when we listen we may hear something which is going to make us grow further and more closer to something which is good. Why can't we understand that the idea of impermanence and flow gives the opportunity for growth. For growth to the better. We don't accept change, we always tend to slide in the opposite direction, to things which are just worse and stagnant.

[00:48:04] - [Speaker 0]
When a pond is stagnant it gets very smelly and even toxic. When it flows it is always fresh. So why can't we have a mind which always flows, which can let go of the old hemp, to get the hemp and cloth, to get the linen, to get the silver, to get the gold. Why are people so stuck? So when we understand those two of the basic functions, the two of the basic core teachings of Buddhism.

[00:48:37] - [Speaker 0]
There is non self, you are not a solid entity in there. So you can accept criticism. Who are they criticizing? They say I gave a stupid talk, that was me yesterday, not me now. Always changing.

[00:48:53] - [Speaker 0]
Or why can't we also accept that change? Because that's a way of growth. We can leave aside the past. We can forgive it and let it go. Because what is guilt anyway?

[00:49:07] - [Speaker 0]
It's hanging on to old criticism, which is past its use by date. That's called guilt. And anger is holding on to the criticism of others, which again is past their use by date. Sure, they sort of, you know, were really cruel or thoughtless, but that was yesterday. That doesn't mean they're cruel and thoughtless now.

[00:49:31] - [Speaker 0]
Why can't we allow them the chance of changing? Why can't we allow ourselves the chance of changing? Because only in change can there be freedom from the past, there be growth, can there be the inclination to the better. That's why sometimes that criticism, when we understand what it truly is, is a very, very positive force. We should listen to it, see if it really fits, if they've got it right, what we can learn from it, embrace it, and grow from it, instead of always just rejecting it out of hand simply because we don't want to change, we're stuck in the past, we're stuck in an idea of ourself, we just don't want to see.

[00:50:25] - [Speaker 0]
I have to say that as a religious leader, because again, too many people of religion especially, and of politics, and each one of you as well, sometimes we're so unwilling to grow. Sticking the past, we have our dogmas. Even in science we have those dogmas as well. If that's what you have, the growth, the progress will be limited. And you can see just how people hang on to that past at all cost, fighting wars.

[00:50:58] - [Speaker 0]
How many sort of, you know, religions looked to the golden age. Yeah, years ago it was such a wonderful time. Even when I say that in my monastery, oh, when I was a young monk, oh, my monks, here he goes again. When I was a young monk is actually terrible. Eating those old frogs, frogs and rice, enjoying those mosquitoes is actually much better now.

[00:51:22] - [Speaker 0]
But it's growth. So why do we linger on the past? Why can't we change? So all of you say Sri Lankans here today. You've come to Australia.

[00:51:36] - [Speaker 0]
You're Australians now. So who are you gonna support in the World Cup? Cricket. I challenge you. I was born in England.

[00:51:49] - [Speaker 0]
Who am I going to support? I was wonderful being changing. So I usually look at the results or at least the, you know, the halftime score, whichever team is winning. That's the team I support. You have much less suffering that way.

[00:52:09] - [Speaker 0]
So we don't hang on to the past. We don't hang on to the views. And so that we don't get hurt by criticism. Instead we grow from the criticism. And if Buddhism is supposed to actually lessen suffering and create more happiness in this world, what a better way to create happiness in this world, to understand what criticism is.

[00:52:28] - [Speaker 0]
I'm not saying how to give it, how to receive it. I know that many of you here, you're so generous with your criticism to others. But you have to know how to receive it as well. So we are offered through generosity but that's not what I'm talking about this evening. I'm talking about being on the receiving end.

[00:52:48] - [Speaker 0]
So when people criticize you this is actually how you accept it. Just to sum up, there's not criticizing you. There's no one in there to criticize. I mean, my body they're criticizing, my ears they're criticizing, you know, my brain they're criticizing. This is genes of brain all done by DNA, nothing to do with me.

[00:53:08] - [Speaker 0]
So you don't take it personally. It's an act and that whole criticism is a positive reinforcement if you know how to use it. Even if it sounds negative, you turn it into positive reinforcement by listening, checking out if you have got a tail, if you deserve that then listen even more. If you don't deserve it, just let it go. They made a mistake.

[00:53:27] - [Speaker 0]
People make mistakes. Fair enough. Or the last thing about criticism is when someone really is criticizing you and it really is over the top, which is very often, And they're really getting angry at you. And they're shouting at you. One of the wonderful strategies is actually this is not how you deal with criticism, it's helping other people out of compassion.

[00:53:50] - [Speaker 0]
When they finish scolding you, don't take your opportunity to defend yourself straight away. Pause for about thirty seconds. When they finish shouting at you, scolding you, berating you, just be silent for a short period of time. Give them the opportunity to hear what they have just said. Because when they have finished and then you start, they lose that opportunity.

[00:54:23] - [Speaker 0]
But if they've scolded you, and then you're quiet for a little while, they're not listening to you, they'll be remembering, reflecting on what they've just said. And very often they realise what a stupid thing it was they have just said, or just how unkind, ignoble it was to use such strong language. And giving them the opportunity to reflect by pausing, giving them that thirty seconds of silence, is a very beautiful way of allowing them the space to learn. Not trying to teach them, because again many teachers even now say that teaching is just facilitating the person's innate learning ability. And now by giving them the space, they listen, they reflect and they learn something.

[00:55:19] - [Speaker 0]
The same when you're criticised. If you want to get angry just wait and listen to their critic, let it soak in first of all rather than reacting. Who are you to say that to me? And that way criticism becomes positive and there's not so much anger between peoples. There's more growth, more learning And there's also just more openness amongst every human being, every man and wife, and most importantly, what I'm really concerned about, every religion as well.

[00:55:53] - [Speaker 0]
So we're open, rather than having these big iron walls, not allowing anybody or any other idea into us. So the higher criticism. The topic of the talk today. Thank you. Okay.

[00:56:12] - [Speaker 0]
Has anyone got any comments? Okay. Or criticisms about what I've just said. Any comments about this evening's talk? Yeah.

[00:56:19] - [Speaker 0]
Go on over there. Yeah. It was a bit of hassle. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:56:32] - [Speaker 0]
No, it was, there's our tradition. Of the reasons is usually you're supposed to sit, these were actually made for meditation. So when you sit still, they don't fall off. But you know, usually when I'm giving a talk, and this is just basic public speaking, you've got to engage the audience. So if I'm looking at you, if I'm answering your question, I'm looking over here.

[00:56:54] - [Speaker 0]
Not only is that really rude, but it means that, you know, I'm not engaging with you. When you're giving a talk you have to engage with the audience. So that's why I do move around backwards and forwards. When you move around backwards and forwards, come on, there it goes. That's why it falls off.

[00:57:11] - [Speaker 0]
Ah, just passed across. It's impermanent. No changes, wasn't it? That really answered your question? I suppose okay.

[00:57:27] - [Speaker 0]
Yeah, if ever you look at ancient paintings of either the Greeks or the Romans about two thousand years ago, this is actually how they would wear their togas or their cloths. It's a very early form, a very simple form of wearing a covering. It's just a square piece of cloth, just roll off and just throw it on your shoulder. It's really simple. In any of you this is a bedsheet.

[00:57:58] - [Speaker 0]
So you don't have to have so many things. It's great when you have things for dual purposes.